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‘Don’t Like Catcalls? Cover Your Tits’ | Five Reasons Why This Article Shouldn’t Bother Us, Ladies and Gents


Image: Taylor Allen

 

Today I Googled ‘women who call their breasts the girls’ for an assignment. It’s a tough job, but I’ll get ‘er done.

The search yielded many firm results, but one from avoiceformen.com takes cake: ‘Don’t like catcalls? Cover your tits‘ by John the Other.

He says, ”So if you’ve got great tits, or a pert, round behind, and you’ve put them on display, of course men are going to stare, princess…As a woman, your evaluation of the difference between appreciated compliment from an attractive gentlemen and unwanted creep-behaviour from a loser is based on your subconscious evaluation of social status and wealth. This is the reptile portion of your brain’s instinctive selection – evaluating men as utilities which dispense money, violence on your behalf, and sperm.”

The post is a minefield of lady-fearing slush. First, I felt revulsion. John the Other really got my back up. His facile ideas about women are hateful toward me, my bitches, my daughter, your daughter, your mother.

As I finished J. O.’s article and browsed the site, my irrational female temper cooled. Why?

1. John the Other is a pen name. This cop-out device is used by many of AVfM contributors.  It takes little cojones courage to write an inflammatory, sister-baiting post under a nom de plume.

2. There’s no arguing with a man who sees women as “horseflesh” and “bouncy cleavage.” Even if he calls you princess.

3. The guy has an ax to grind. We’ve heard it before: He’s decided that the way a woman dresses is an invitation or a rejection; never mind what she says or what her actions are. Is her short skirt asking for it? A man who resents women this much may need more love in his life.

4. A few clicks through AVfM reveals their view on feminists: “a selection of totally inane and insane piles of trash.” On Domestic Violence Month: “In the name of equality and fairness, I am proclaiming October to be Bash a Violent Bitch Month.” Regarding chivalry: “Chivalry is really not compatible with gender equality.”

Hey mister, if I bring you flowers and hold the door open for you, will you make me a sandwich? I’m good at opening tight jars, but I can’t debone a duck. Let’s negotiate. Maybe we can be chivalrous to each other and milk some human kindness.

5. Paul Elam, founder and publisher of avoiceformen.com thinks Hemingway, as in Ernest, is spelled ‘Hemmingway.’ I think we’re done here.

J. O. concludes his piece with fashion advice for the ladies. “When you’re picking your outfit, including that low-neck top that gives guys whiplash and the short skirt that shows off your cute round butt, you should not be so shocked when it results in male eyeballs vectoring in on your advertized cleavage. And when you get a whistle, or a clumsy comment, realize that attention is exactly what you asked for.”

What is AVfM asking for? Their tagline is ‘Compassion for men and boys.’ Hating on the feminine half of the planet isn’t exactly endearing though. My heart can’t go out to you when you’re all up in my grill about my teats. Sorry. Just had to get that off my chest.

Perhaps this is my reptile brain at work again but, for moi, comfort reigns supreme. Fancy yoga tights and warm fleece don’t get whistles, however, Wisconsin winter is cold. Someone’s got to break it to the catcall enthusiast. Women dress to impress each other, to play a character for our own pleasure or to show respect for an occasion or a person.

The ensemble I choose wear has nothing to do with wanting attention from a man on the street. He’s wrapped up in his own dream anyway, seeking compassion.  Maybe he tips his hat to me. I’ll throw my coat over a puddle so he can pass, unsoiled. We both wear the pants in this relationship.

What are you wearing right now? Just kidding. But seriously, do you think it’s anybody’s bi’ness to police your fashion?

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About

Hally Marlino is a blue collar yoga teacher and writer from Madison, WI. She's a spirituality skeptic with a BA in Theatre Performance from UW-La Crosse. Years ago, she held a low rank in the U.S. Army. When she’s not teaching freestyle vinyasa around the isthmus, you’ll find her bike-riding and beer-appreciating with her family. Hally is exactly half ballerina, half professional wrestler. Connect with her on Facebook at YogaBeast or Tigress Press.

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