Consider for yourself, when you are on a date and are asked your opinion or need to make a decision… How often do you say I don’t know?
These words are like a “roofie” in your soul cocktail. You sip it up and then in no time, say BUB-BYE to your beautiful, natural brilliance.
Of course, if your Uncle Ralph asks you some obscure Jeopardy question, instructions on how to do brain surgery, or how many toothpicks it would take to build a squirrel rescue center, you actually might not know the answer. Touché.
Where do you see yourself in five years? Don’t know.
What do you want in a relationship? I dunno.
Do you want Marinara or Alfredo? I don’t know. Whichever.
Easy, isn’t it? I have said it plenty of times with these kinds of questions and, admittedly, it feels lazy and apathetic.
I recall my 30s, swooning over a hunky guys where I freely sputtered “I don’t know.” I used this in conversations out of insecurity and fear that I wouldn’t be liked. Scared that there is a “right” answer; scared it’s safer to dodge the question with a neutral “I don’t know” than to risk saying something unattractive. As if with one bad word there is a *POOF* and my dreamy guy disappears, leaving me heartbroken and all alone. And in my effort to be accepted, I still saw the smoky remains of the *POOF* and felt unlovable and alone.
In the world, it may actually look like we are being deserted by others, but the real tragedy is when we doubt our own answers we are betraying and abandoning ourselves. So if you fear being abandoned, your first step is to NOT abandon yourself, but to learn to trust yourself.
The truth is, even if you think you don’t know what to do, there is a part of you that knows what is true for you right now, and that is the right answer!
Be patient, sometimes it takes a moment to hear it, or maybe even longer. That is okay. I notice when I forget I have this power within me and default to “I don’t know,” it leads to fearfully scrambling outside of me to “figure it out”—googling incessantly, calling out to Facebook, pulling Tarot cards over and over, or diving into a pint of Ben and Jerry’s with each spoonful crying, “Ben! Jerry! Help a girl out!”
It doesn’t work.
Defaulting to “I don’t know” is a habit worth breaking, because we are all biologically equipped with an inner teacher who wants to have a relationship with us! In fact, your inner teacher is the REAL you in you and has all the answers. When you deny your inner teacher and say “I don’t know” it’s like you are telling yourself, “I don’t trust you.” “I don’t value you what you have to offer.” Or, “No one will like you.”
It is like you kicked your own damn self to the curb. It’s mean and cruel.
Yogi Bhajan said, “Go inside and listen to your inner voice. Every question has an answer. Your soul is full of wisdom and knows the way.”
When we live in the belief that we don’t know the way it is impossible not to feel fear, confusion and self-doubt.
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About the Author
Macy – Big Happy LOVE Coach: Macy is a regular contributor with MeetMindful. A first-time bride at 43 with over 25 years collecting failed relationships, devastating heartbreaks, & dateless holiday parties before she finally found the formula which broke the painful cycle! Now she devotes her life to helping other women stop the madness and draw in a meaningful and blissful relationship. She brings her clients a magical combination of transformational change methodology, intuitive guidance, kundalini yoga & creative exploration to help women who struggle to find love get there. She has been using these tools for over 15 years and found a powerful yet fun way for women to attract extraordinary love in their lives.